


Coping Mechanisms

by Account_Created



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Coping, Crew as Family, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rebellion, Singing, Singing to Sleep, The Rebellion, cassian andor singing, coping methods, problems sleeping, sleeping, vague allusions to events in star wars maybe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:53:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26670958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Account_Created/pseuds/Account_Created
Summary: Jyn feels like the only one on her little crew that doesn't have some way of dealing with the loss and stress that they're under every day. She's fine, though- who needs sleep anyway?
Relationships: Cassian Andor & Jyn Erso & Chirrut Îmwe & Baze Malbus & Bodhi Rook, Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso
Comments: 8
Kudos: 59





	Coping Mechanisms

Everyone sleeps close together, in the Rebellion. Bunks jammed together, sharing blankets and pillows, gathering together in little groups so you know the people closest to you. 

It takes some getting used to. Jyn’s never been around so many people outside of prison, and it's hard to convince herself that everyone here is friendly. She’s half a mind to do what some of the pilots are doing and hole up in the hangar somewhere until morning. 

But it's cold, and regardless of everything else Jyn likes being around the Rogue One crew. Even K-2SO is bearable, when he’s powered off for the night. 

No, Jyn stays. But that’s not to say she sleeps. The nightmares come for her nearly every night. It's exhausting, and embarrassing when she wakes up and everyone is looking at her with worry in their eyes. (Well, not Chirrut, but he has this way of frowning at her that honestly makes her feel terrible.) 

So she’s running on next to no sleep, but this many nights in a row without someone attempting to slit her throat seems like some kind of record, and Hoth’s nights are tolerable with four other human beings in close proximity. 

Ultimately, she’s fine. She’s doing fine. 

“Jyn, are you okay?” 

Jyn looked up, vision fuzzing and doubling. A couple of blinks clear it up enough for her to recognize Bodhi, mouth set in a frown. 

“Of course I’m okay.” says Jyn, turning back to her work. “Why wouldn’t I be?” Sure, there’s a war on, but they’re used to it by now. She’s not working any harder than she was before. 

Bodhi seems to take the fact that she’s not yelling at him as an invitation to kneel down next to her and hand her the tool she’d been reaching for. “Well, to start, the shadows under your eyes are darker than the far side of Endor and about twice the size.” The corner of his mouth lifts, briefly, but the joke is lost on the sleep-deprived Jyn. 

“I’m fine.” she says again, feeling the start of her pre-noon headache coming on.

“Jyn, you haven’t been sleeping. Do you want me to ask the medbay for medicine? To help you sleep?”

She’s already shaking her head before he’s finished speaking. “They make me feel sick.” she says. “I’m okay, Bodhi.” 

Bodhi’s quiet for a moment as she continues working. Something sparks against her fingertip and she pulls it back with a hiss. 

Bodhi touches her shoulder. “I’m here for you, Jyn.” he says, then stands to leave. Jyn doesn’t watch him go. 

“You haven’t been sleeping, little sister.” 

Baze’s tone is non-accusatory, gentle, even. Jyn’s shoulders hunch. “I’m fine.” 

Baze considers this, his eyes regarding her across the narrow corridor between their bunks. “You’ve walked a hard path.” he murmurs, mouth turning down. “And it haunts you. This is why you don’t sleep.” 

“You sound like Chirrut.” says Jyn. She meant it to sound teasing, but something gets lost in translation and it comes out tired instead. 

“Jyn, you’re not alone. Remember that.” is all he says. 

So Jyn begins to watch. She watches the rest of the Rogue One crew, how they settle down for the night. Chirrut and Baze meditate, usually together, but sometimes alone, chanting under their breath with their eyes closed. Bodhi talks with the others, Cassian or her sometimes, before winding his blanket tightly around himself and laying down at the foot of his bed. And beneath her, in his bunk, Cassian sings to himself, his voice rough and barely audible to Jyn in her bunk above him. 

She seems to be the only one without some way of coping. 

She doesn’t ask Chirrut or Baze to teach her to meditate- she’s far too jittery for that even on a good day, and she hasn’t yet in all her twenty-two years figured out how to make her mind shut off. And she sleeps all wound up anyways, and that hasn’t helped anything. 

Which leaves Cassian. 

She approaches him one night, before lights out, sitting on the very edge of his bunk and gripping the steel bed frame with her hands. 

“Would you teach me to sing?” 

Cassian considers this, looking at the shadows under her eyes and the curve of her spine. 

“Sure.” he says. “If you think it’ll help.”

Jyn shrugs. “More than what the others do.” 

“Fair enough.” Cassian moves to sit next to her, and he starts to sing. 

He teaches her in every spare moment, helping her to get the strange words right. She doesn’t ask him to translate and he doesn’t- Jyn gets the idea they lose their power if changed that way.

While they’re working, before and after meetings, on missions, before bed, all are times Cassian can be heard singing slowly along with Jyn, helping her copy the sound. She picks up the songs quickly out of stubbornness, a desire to ease her suffering if she can. But she’s peering through a tired haze, more often than not, and her voice is far more suited to screaming itself hoarse than singing lullabies. 

Honestly, she would rather just listen. Listen to Cassian, singing in the language of his home planet, his voice rough and half-imagined in the dark. That held far more comfort than singing the words herself seemed to be bringing. 

Their ship is a cramped, tiny little thing. Barely more than a cockpit, really. K2 can’t even stand up straight. 

It's a twenty-seven hour trip at lightspeed, so the Rogue One team beds down on the floor of their miniature ship, using each other as pillows and footrests. Baze especially was very comfortable being laid on, which Chirrut, Bodhi, and Cassian were more than willing to take advantage of. Jyn laid down watching them, smiling but unwilling to close her eyes. The nightmares hadn’t been getting better, despite her frantic singing to herself in the wee hours of the morning. She’d half resigned herself to staying awake until she just keeled over and died. 

K2 had been telling her statistics about it. She wasn’t losing any more sleep than she had been before over it. 

“Jyn?”

Jyn looked up. Cassian was there, standing silhouetted in the dim night lights of the ship. 

“Can I sing to you?” 

Jyn blinked.  _ To me? _ “Sure.” She scooted over to make room on her stack of blankets. She could sense the other three crew members watching them, but it faded as Cassian sat down next to her, warm against her side. 

He began to sing. It’s one she hasn’t heard before. It sounds much the same as the others, but when she’s not focused on listening and memorizing, it seems to take on meaning. Even though she couldn’t hope to translate any of the words, with Cassian’s hand nearly touching hers, his voice floating before her like a dream, Jyn could feel a sense of home, of  _ peace _ like she’d never known. 

Her blinks became slower and slower. She was half aware of her head falling to his shoulder and her eyes closing, and then she was asleep. 

Jyn woke up when they fell out of hyperspace. The pull and slow of the ship, as well as the accompanying noise, make her sit up instantly, bleary-eyed and reaching for a weapon. When someone started next to her, however, drawing in a sharp breath, she turned and saw Cassian, who’d obviously been dozing off moments before. 

“Hey, Jyn.” he said, rubbing his face. 

She looked around. Chirrut and Baze were sitting against the opposite wall a few feet away, playing cards. She could hear Bodhi and K2 in the cockpit, discussing their descent to the planet below. 

Cassian was sitting next to her, just as he had before she’d fallen asleep. If anything, he was closer. She could half feel his arm around her waist, withdrawn when she woke up. 

She rubbed a hand across her eyes. “How long was I asleep?” 

“About nineteen hours.” said Cassian casually. 

Jyn stiffened. “Nineteen hours?” 

Cassian shrugged, turning to look at her. “By my math, you’re still nowhere near caught up.” 

Jyn huffed out a laugh. Cassian smiled. “Here.” He stood up, slowly, testing his knees, then extended his hand to her to help her up. She took it, wobbling a little, but feeling clearer and stronger than she had in weeks. She allowed herself to grip his forearms for a moment, trying to convey how she felt. 

Cassian looked at her, a soft smile on his face. “I understand.” he said. “I’m glad.” 

She smiled back, then let go and headed for the cockpit. 

She clasped Bodhi’s shoulder as she came in, leaning over him and K2 to see out the windshield. He jumped, but half-grinned when he saw her. “Jyn!” he said. “You’re looking better!”

“She ought to, she’s been asleep for eighteen hours and thirty-two minutes.” said K2. Jyn rapped on his domed head affectionately and leaned on Bodhi’s chair, making room for Cassian to step in beside her. It was a tight fit, but Jyn found she didn’t mind. Eighteen and a half hours with no nightmares, no struggle to fall asleep, no cold of Hoth sinking into her bones… she felt like she could take on anyone and win. 

And it was thanks to the man beside her. She looked over at him, regarding his face. It was awash in orange and yellow from the planet below, his customary half-frown on his face. But his edges were soft, his jacket discarded, and he’d slept next to her. He’d helped her sleep as she hadn’t for nearly two months now. 

She thought maybe she could still hear his heartbeat.  _ You're safe. It's okay. I'll protect you. You're safe. It's okay. I’ll protect you. _

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading lads and lassies (and other uninvolved gremlins), leave a like if you will and a comment if you're feeling saucy


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